You might remember a few months ago when I got a little down on my writing and made this video to pump myself back up...
Well, all I have to say is... the doubt is back. Now that I have my fist pass pages and am reading the whole thing aloud again, everytime I go to it I'm like "THIS SUCKS! NO ONE IS GOING TO WANT TO READ THIS PILE OF JUNK! THIS IS JUST GOING TO WIND UP BEING VERY EXPENSIVE TOILET PAPER! WHY, GOD, WHY DID I BOTHER TRYING TO PUBLISH THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE? NOOOOOOOO!"
I get a little dramatic.
Anyway, I say this to encourage you. I mean, it can't be absolute crap. This was the manuscript two agents wanted, was picked up by HarperFreakingCollins, is going to be translated into two different languages (to date), NYT bestellers are saying is lovely, has drop-dead glorious cover art, and is still doing things for me while I'm off hanging out with Guy. It has to be slightly better liner for hamster cages, right?
Of course it is. I'm just freaking out because, like you, I'm normal.
One of the passing tests for a story (I think) is giving up on it. If you've got the ablitiy to say "this is bad and I will never touch it again" and then one day discover you're still in love with that project and are willing to put in the work to make it awesome... you have something good. My problem is that I hoped I'd be well past that with a publication date just around the corner.
The thing is, I think most people see authors as very confident. We've gone through several rounds of being validated to get to an actual book on shelves. That doesn't mean we still don't worry about what people think... what our parents will think, what YOU will think.
Yes, I'm nervous. These were stories that I wrote to entertain myself that are soon going to be in your hands. And you could hate them. I'm not sure I have much of a resolution for this except to say that I'm still crazy about The Selection and that (even with the nerves) I'm still very excited to share it with you. And I guess, in the end, it's okay if you think it sucks. I won't love it any less. :)